


distance fucking sucks.

by kittykais



Category: Chungha (Musician), Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: A Pinch of Angst, Bang Chan is a Sweetheart, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff, Hwang Hyunjin is Whipped, Hwang Hyunjin is a Floop, JJP Entertainment, Kim Seungmin is a Little Shit, Kim Seungmin is a Sweetheart, Lee Felix (Stray Kids) is a Sweetheart, Lee Minho | Lee Know is Whipped, M/M, Memes, Minchan gay, OT8 crack, Queen - Freeform, Texting!, anyways this is my new chatfic!, chatfic, chia is gay for chungha, comment please!, i love chungha, in which we eat cheesecake and sing katy perry, innies a baker!, insert is DEAD, kermit memes ehehheheh, mwah mwah, seungjin rise, so much, they live around the world, this isnt even insert part two, uh food, welcome everyone to t r a s h, welcome to chia land, welp, yummy memes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:42:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 8,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26370601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittykais/pseuds/kittykais
Summary: sky: I KNOW YOUsky: CHUNGHA DRAGGED ME TO THIS SHADY ASS BUILDING AND FORCED ME TO TAKE PICTURES OF YOU BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT YOU WERE TALENTEDsky: YOU FLIRTED WITH ME THE ENTIRE TIME ASSHOLE AND I FUCKING LIKED ITSam Hwang: waitSam Hwang: SEUNGMIN??????OR: new chatfic time new chatfic time!!! chungha knows everyone and adds them all to a gc because she's a sweetheart like that, but everyone lives far away from each other lmaoSTARRING: a Tired Bang CHan, a Hawt Lee Minho, a Thicc Seo Changbin, a Floopy Hwang Hyunjin, a California Gurl Han Jisung, a Memey Lee Felix, a Satanic Kim Seungmin, and a cute absolutely adorable my babie uwu cutie Yang JeonginFEATURING: A TALENTED AND ADORABLE AND ENERGETIC KIM CHUNGHA WHOM I LOVE VERY MUCH THANK YOU also het parents, JJP Entertainment, JinHit, cheesecake, my children, and perfume
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Han Jisung | Han/Yang Jeongin | I.N, Hwang Hyunjin/Kim Seungmin, Lee Felix/Seo Changbin, chungha/being cute
Comments: 229
Kudos: 91





	1. the beginning

**Author's Note:**

> hi everyoneeee!!! since i decided to discontinue insert, I was sad and wanted to write a new chatfic so here I am lmao. For my own previous readers (if i have any oof) and for new readers...
> 
> have fun~

_ Chungha Kim has created a chat room! _

_ Chungha Kim has added Christopher Bang, Felix Lee, Peter Han, Sky Kim, Sam Hwang, Lee Minho, Seo Changbin, and Justin Bang _

  
  


**September 1st, 2021**

**12:00 pm PST / 2:00pm CST / 8:00 pm BST / 4:00 am KST / 5:00 AEST**

Chungha Kim: HELLO EVERYONE!!!!!!

_ Chungha Kim has renamed the chat room to cheese! _

Peter Han: ...cheese?

Chungha Kim: yep

Chungha Kim: anyways!

Christopher Bang: chungha what is this

Chungha Kim: well basically i know all of you right

Justin Bang: wait what the hell is this chungha

Chungha Kim: group chat!!!

Justin Bang: …..what the hell

Justin Bang: you literally bullied me into giving you my number and this is what you do with it??

Justin Band: track down my messenger and add me here 

Chungha Kim: yes. 

Chungha Kim: i just think you all would be great friends!!!

Sky Kim: chungha…..

Chungha: :DD

Sky Kim: i cant believe this

Sky Kim: *sigh*

Chungha Kim: anyways ill be leaving then~

Chungha Kim: everyone here knows me

Chungha Kim: change your names and tALK to each other smh

Christopher Bang: *sigh*

_ Chungha Kim has left!  _

Christopher Bang: well i guess ill start then 

Christopher Bang: i needed new friends anyways 

Sky Kim: wait

Sky Kim: before that 

Sky Kim: where do yall live?

Sky Kim: not to be stalkerish but chungha has friends  _ everywhere _

Sky Kim: i live in texas

Peter Han: i live in california!!!!!

Sky Kim: woo america!

Peter Han: yeah!

Peter Han: i HATE IT!

Sky Kim: understandable

Christopher Bang: California Gurls - Katy Perry

Peter Han: *GASP*

Peter Han: CALIFORNIA GURLS WE”RE UNFORGETTABLE

Peter Han: DAISY DUKES BIKINIS ON TOPPPP   
Peter Han: fINE FRESH SKIN SO HOT We”LL MELT UR POPSICLE

Peter Han: ICE COLD BEERS WE GOT IT ON LOCKKKKKKK

Christopher Bang: okay that is enough

Peter Han: :0

Christopher Bang: i live in australia!!!! sydneyyyyy

Felix Lee: i heard australia where you at m8

Christopher Bang: here m8

Felix Lee: AYYY I LIVE IN SYDNEY!!!!!

Christopher Bang: REALLY????

Felix Lee: REALLY???

Christopher Bang: YEAHHHH

Felix Lee: AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE

Christopher Bang: OI OI OI 

Felix Lee: AYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Christopher Bang: yEEET

Peter Han: wait isnt it like 5am in aussie land now tho?

Christopher Bang: yes and what about it ?

Peter Han: ...fair enough

_ Peter Han renamed himself to california gurl _

california gurl: beautiful

Sky Kim: smh

  
  


_ california gurl renamed Sky Kim to yeehaw  _

yeehaw: no.

california gurl: yes. 

yeehaw: why have you done this

yeehaw: why did you do this to me

california gurl: you are a yeehaw boi.

Felix Lee: oh damnnn the periods

california gurl: yes. 

yeehaw: 911 emergency im feeling threatened 

california gurl: coward. 

yeehaw: TEXAS IS NOT THAT FAR FROM CALIFORNIA I WILL CUT A BITCH

california gurl: NOOOO DONT DO IT SOMEONE SAVE ME

california gurl: MOM?? DAD? PARENTAL FIGURE???

Christopher Bang: i can be your dad

Christopher Bang: you can all be my children now  🤩

Minho Lee: i have awoken from my slumber to announce that that emoji is disgusting

Christopher Bang: STOP THIS IS BULLYISMMMMMM

Minho Lee: were you not supposed to be the parental figue?

Christopher Lee: shut it 

_ Felix Lee has renamed Christopher Bang to chrispy _

chrispy: why

Felix Lee: :3

_ Felix Lee has renamed himself to yeet dem hoes _

yeet dem hoes: *dabs on the h8ters*

california gurls: *dabs on the h8ters*

yeet dem hoes: ayyyyy

california gurls: ayyyyyyyyyy

  
  


yeet dem hoes: :D

Lee Minho: ugh anyways introductions before i go to sleep again

Lee MInho: hi im minho im 22, my bday is october 25, im a dancer, i just managed to finish college somehow, i like cats i have three of them, i live in gimpo, south korea, and im going back to sleep because its 4am good night pictures will come when i wake up 

_ Lee Minho has renamed himself to the hawtest boi in the club _

(A/N: my name in the trombone senpai chat is the hawtest gurl in the club yeet im so proud of myself)

hawtest boi in the club: pronouns are he/him but i dont get offended if anyone wants to call me any other problems

hawtest boi in the club: good night

california gurl: that was kinda hot ngl

yeet dem hoes: opE

yeet dem hoes: anyways ill go nect

chrispy: nect

california gurl: nect

Sky Kim: nect

Sky Kim: my name is too formal

_ Sky Kim renamed himself to sky _

sky: better

yeet dem hoes: *NEXT

yeet dem hoes: :((

yeet dem hoes: anYWAYS my name is felix lee i live in sydney australia, i like memes, im uh 20, and my pronouns are he/him, i’m finishing up my bachelors this year, and then im gonna try to become a nurse, also i dance on the side which is my im alive rn

yeet dem hoes: also my sleep schedule sucks

yeet dem hoes: and i am uh

yeet dem hoes: i forgot wait

yeet dem hoes: oh yeah 

sky: yeah?

yeet dem hoes: im pansexual

yeet dem hoes: attracted to pans

sky: same

california gurls: same

Sam Hwang: I HEARD PANS AND I HEARD SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO IM SKIPPING OUT ON WORK FOR THIS WHATS UP HOESSSSSS

Sam Hwang: ooo im pan too!! but panromantic 😔 i be ace

sky: valid

california gurls: valid!!!

yeet dem hoes: valid!!!!!

sky: oh yeah im 20 too

california gurl: same

Justin Bang: eugh im back chungha is forcing me to interact with you all

Justin Bang: im 20

yeet dem hoes: !!! TRIPLETS???

sky: oo maybe

sky: my bdays sept 22 2000

yeet dem hoes: ..my bdays on sept 15th

sky: !!!!

Justin Bang: aw mines in feb

Justin Bang: february 8th 2001

yeet dem hoes: a BABIE

Justin Bang: -_- no

california gurl: @Felix Lee MINE IS ON THE FOURTEENTH

yeet dem hoes: REALLY??????

california gurl: yEAHHHHHH

yeet dem hoes: TWINSIE!!!!!!!

california gurl: TWINSIES!!!!!

sky: :((

yeet dem hoes: TRIPLETS!!!

Sam Hwang: IM BORN IN 2000 TOOOOOOO   
Sam Hwang: ITS JUST THAT MY BDAYS IN MARCH

yeet dem hoes: GASP

california gurl: GASPPPPP

sky: :0

sky: 00line

chrispy: oof we have a 00line now?

chrispy: anyways im older than all of you and unless changbin is born in 96 im older than all of you 

chrispy: christopher bang, 23 yrs old, bday october 10th 1997, music producer

chrispy: i work for JJP

Sam Hwang: YOU WORK FOR JJP????

chrispy: yeah 

california gurl: i do too

Sam Hwang: WHAT

Seo Changbin: its like 4am what the fuck

Seo Changbin: oh i do too

Seo Changbin: jjp

Seo Changbin: yeah 

Seo Changbin: why?

Sam Hwang: my parents are jjp lol

california gurl: WHAT

chrispy: WHAT

hawtest boi in the club: what.

sky: wait rlly?

yeet dem hoes: WHAT THE FUCK

Justin Bang: WHAAT DHKNF

Seo Changbin: ….ur Hwang Hyunjin

Sam Hwang: that is me yes

Seo Changbin: twin to hwang yeji

Sam Hwang: also true

Sam Hwang: shes a bitch tho

sky: wait 

sky: wait wait wait wait wAIT

sky: ur hwang hyunjin?

Sam Hwang: ...yes??

sky: I KNOW YOU 

sky: CHUNGHA DRAGGED ME TO THIS SHADY ASS BUILDING AND FORCED ME TO TAKE PICTURES OF YOU BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT YOU WERE TALENTED

sky: YOU FLIRTED WITH ME THE ENTIRE TIME ASSHOLE AND I FUCKING LIKED IT 

Sam Hwang: wait

Sam Hwang: SEUNGMIN??????


	2. "and because i'm ace, i fuck cards"- hwang hyunjin, 2k21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> gay baker: also i forgot to say this but im ace too
> 
> Sam Hwang: you fuck cards too?
> 
> gay baker: i fuck cards too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi hello welcome back to this mess~   
> chapters will be around 1k so that its easier to read (i do well with shorter chapters) but there will probably be long chapters somewhere here and there because i cant stop myself heh
> 
> have fun~

**September 1st 2021**

**12:14 pm PST / 2:14 pm CST / 8:14 pm BST / 4:14 am KST / 5:14 AEST**

**cheese (9)**

Sam Hwang: wait 

Sam Hwang: SEUNGMIN?????

sky: YES 

sky: SEUNGMIN

sky: ASSHOLE

Sam Hwang: IM SORRY 

Sam Hwang: DID I MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE?????

sky: nO I FUCKING LIKED IT 

Sam Hwang: yeah i thought so 

sky: EXCUSE ME????

Justin Bang: hi im panromantic ace too hows it going

Justin Bang: oh nvm theres tEA

Justin Bang: 🍵 

sky: -_-

Justin Bang: *slurps noisily*

sky: -_-

Justin Bang: dont mind me go onto your lovers quarrel

sky: it is  _ not _ a lovers quarrel

Sam Hwang: its not??

sky: do we LOOK like lovers to you?

Sam Hwang: well idk

Sam Hwang: ur cute thoi :0

sky: sTOP THIS IM GJHDNKJFFK JGOING TO KYIRLL YIO

california gurl: kyrill yio

yeet dem hoes: kyrill yio

Justin Bang: why does that remind me of skyrim

california gurl: s k y r i m 

sky: sKYRIM NO PLS KJENRKRNRKHJRN

yeet dem hoes: 😔

chrispy: SHYRIM????

chrispy: *skyrim

yeet dem hoes: sHyRiM

chrispy: IM BEING BULLIES BY MY OWN CHILDRENNN

chrispy: cri

Justin Bang: iM bEiNg bUlLieD bY my oWn cHilDrEn wOwOw

chrispy: STOPPPP

Sam Hwang: sigh

Sam Hwang: wait we still need to do introductions

chrispy: oh shit

chrispy: who went

chrispy: minho went 

chrispy: felix went

chrispy: and i went 

chrispy: soooo sky? dyu wanna go

sky: ugh fine ://

sky: hi my names sky, my name’s seungmin, i dont care which one you call me, i live in texas, i hate it in texas, i wish i didnt live in texas, i’m 20, bday is sept 22, i’m chungha’s photographer and im finishing up online classes this year uhhh i’m pansexual i think pans are hot 

california gurl: “i think pans are hawt” - seungmin 2k21

sky: the ones in my house arent hot even when i heat them and i find this to be very frustrating ://

Sam Hwang: im-

Sam Hwang: oh my god

sky: IM STILL MAD AT YOU HYUNJIN

Sam Hwang: WHYYYYY

sky: I HATE YOU SO MUCH ARGH

Sam Hwang: WHAT THE FUCK

chrispy: *sips tea* 

chrispy: language, motherfucker

Justin English: english.

chrispy: eNgLisH

chrispy: you remind me of my cousin

Justin Bang: you remind me of  _ my _ cousing lmao

chrispy: really??

chrispy: mine is ur age and i think he has the same bday as you lmao 

Justin Bang: same

chrispy: wait 

chrispy: wait wait wait 

chrispy: where do you live again?

Justin Bang: in london!!! i’m a baker :DD

chrispy: oh my fucking god

chrispy: innie????

Justin Bang: chANNIE???????

chrispy: UR MY COUSING I KNEW IT HANKJFNF

Justin Bang: OH MY FUCKNIG GOD CHANNIE HI

chrispy: HIIII

chrirspy: I MISSED YOU SO MUCHHH

Justing Bang: oh i didnt miss you lol

chrispy: …

sky: 🍵

california gurl: 🍵

yeet dem hoes: 🍵

chrispy: :((

Justin Bang: :DD

Justin Bang: im kidding lmao

Justin Bang: i missed you too!!

Justin Bang: you dont visit me anymore >:(((

chrispy: im sorryyyyyy

chrispy: ive been busy with music stuff

chrispy: chungha’s been on my ass for a while lately i think shes telling the higher ups im talented

Sam Hwang: can i listen to ur stuffffff

chrispy: why

Sam Hwang: just because :3

chrispy: -_- i dont trust you 

Sam Hwang: :((

Sam Hwang: finE

Sam Hwang: whos next forrrr intros!

sky: uh

sky: you

Sam Hwang: ;)

Sam Hwang: okay baby

sky: I WILL GET MY BAZOOKA OUT DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME????

Sam Hwang: :”(

sky: STAB STAB MOTHERFUCKER

california gurl: @Felix Lee yo you seeing this rn?

yeet dem hoes: aw hell yes

yeet dem hoes: i got the popcorn out 

yeet dem hoes: my roomate hates me but its okay 

california gurl: oof

Sam Hwang: ANYWAYS HI MY NAME IS SAM MY NAME IS HYUNJIN IDC WHAT YOU CALL ME UHHH IM TWENTY ONE MY BDAY IS MARCH 20TH 2000 uhhh im panromantic asexual 

Sam Hwang: and since im ace i fuck cards

(A/N: tis a joke dont come for me, any angry asexuals, i myself am a very angry asexual)

yeet dem hoes: AKHNDJKHJNFJKFN AHHAHAHHAHAH

yeet dem hoes: “and since i’m ace i fuck cards”- hwang hyunjin 2k21

Sam Hwang: 😎

sky: that emoji is hideous

Sam Hwang: unlike your face

sky: I WILL HURT YOU

Sam Hwang: YOU COULD NEVER YOU LOOK LIKE A SMALL PUPPY UWUWUUWUW

sky: I HATE YOU OG MY GOD I HAVENT EVEN MET YOU PROPERLY ANDI HATEYOU 

Sam Hwang: :(((

sky: wait no dont be sad i was kidding 

Justin Bang: *cough cough whipped*

Justin Bang: also lets cut it out with the mf pda and continue with the intros 

_ Justin Bang changed his name to gay baker _

gay baker: :D

california gurl: ur so  _ cute _

gay baker: i will hurt you 

chrispy: no he wont he looks like this

chrispy: (can i send/)

gay baker: (yes, thank you for asking)

chrispy: 

chrispy: isnt he cute

gay baker: I WILL STAB YOU 

gay baker: SEUNGMIN HAND ME UR BAZOOKA FOR A SEC

sky: *hands over bazooka*

gay baker: *points at chan*

gay baker: *shoots sparkles and unicorns*

chrispy: YOU CANT HURT ME

gay baker: *shoots good sleep habits*

chrispy: STOP THIS IS BULLYISM 

gay baker: 😎

california gurl: hi im here to say that justin bang is the cutest little adorable cheesecake in the entire world 

gay baker: i will murder you 

california gurl: *wheeze* so. cute. 

gay baker: smh

gay baker: also i forgot to say this but im ace too

Sam Hwang: you fuck cards too?

gay baker: i fuck cards too. 

california gurl: ANWYAYS HI IM PETER HAN OR JISUNG HAN WHICHEVER IS GOOD UH IM ALSO PANSEXUALL i live in cali, i have a slight obsession with cheesecake, uh im very single and very gay someone date me :(( and i like memes uwuwuw also my bday is sept 14th oH anD IM ALSO A BAKER!!! BUT I DO MUSIC ON THE SIDEEEEE

yeet dem hoes:  🥰 twinsies

california gurl: twinsiesss

gay baker:  baker!!! oh my godddddd

california gurl: yEAH I WORK AT A CHEESECAKE FACTORY I GET FREE SAMPLES

gay baker: !!! cheesecake is yummy

california gurl: THE LOML IS CHEESECAKEEEEEE

california gurl: oh! also! 

california gurl: 

california gurl: :3 hi

gay baker: ur cheeks are squishy :3

california gurl: thx you 

yeet dem hoes: *sips tea*

Sam Hwang: *sips tea*

sky: *sips tea*

  
chrispy: *sips tea*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have no self control so here ya go lmao
> 
> uhh also right i wanted to say that this is going to be mainly focused on the ships and the romance. like theres not much of a plot, literally just fluff + crack + a dash of hurt comfort + my spotify playlist on crack
> 
> this is cause i cannot write plot rn im burnt out my brain is dead okay i just cant hhhh and ive always wante dto just focus on romance uwu it's easier for me that way~ so much less stress~ uwu hope thats okay if its not then the door is right over there, my dude :D 
> 
> anyways yep! drop a comment if you wish i appreciate them A LOT and they motivate me to write more :3
> 
> stay safe!!


	3. ✨stan women✨

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> california gurl: ✨stan women✨

**Wednesday, September 1st 2021**

**12:32 pm PST / 2:32 pm CST / 8:32 pm BST / 4:32 am KST / 5:32am AEST**

**cheese (8)**

  
  


chrispy: okayyyy whos next?

gay baker: u

chrispy: i already went

gay baker: >:D

chrispy: what the fuck

sky: lAnGuaGe

gay baker: ENGLISHHHHH

sky: :D

gay baker: :D

california gurl: waitttt justin!!!

gay baker: yeah?

chrispy: “yeah?”

gay baker: …

gay baker: anyways

gay baker: what

california gurl: we know ur face but we dont know you

chrispy: i am youuuu i see me in youuuuuu

gay baker: stfu christopher

chrispy: *gASP*

gay baker: uwu

gay baker: anywaysss hihi my name’s justin bang, my korean name’s jeongin, im twenty years old, my birthday is february 2001, i’m a baker, i’m panromantic ace, i live in londonnn uhm oh and i dont go to college cause the bakery is a full time job :D

gay baker: i’m also a thot for nflying 😔

yeet dem hoes: thots for nflying! baker! pans! we stan!

gay baker: we stan!!

yeet dem hoes: :D

gay baker: :DD

gay baker: and yall know how i look because chan sent a tERRIBLE picture of me

chrispy: hush you ur adorable

california gurl: ^

yeet dem hoes: ^^

sky: ^^^

Sam Hwang: HI IM BACK I GOT ATTACKED MY MY DOG INNIE IS ADORABLE ^^^^^^^^^

gay baker: i do not condone this

gay baker: also can we please talk about how BOTH the aussies are awake when it’s 5am? and the ones who live in korean are sleeping because theyre supposed to be sleeping??? and its only an hour bdifference between korean and australia??

chrispy: i do not condone this type of behaviour

yeet dem hoes: stOP CALLING ME OUT ON MY TERRIBLE SLEEP SCHEDULE ERIC IS MAD AT ME ALREADY HE DOESNT NEED ANYMORE PPL ON HIS SIDE

sky: eric? whos eric

yeet dem hoes: my roommate 😔

yeet dem hoes: i had to live with him for like a year straight last yr cause of qUaRaNTinE and now he’s SICK OF ME

sky: i would be too if i lived with you for a whole year

yeet dem hoes: YOU DONT EVEN KNOW ME?????

sky: i just _know_ okay 

sky: also wasnt my name yeehaw or smth before? why did messenger put it back to my real name?

california gurl: messenger on crack my dudes

_california gurl changed Sky Kim’s name to yeehaw_

yeehaw: i should have expected this

california gurl :D

california gurl: wait jeonginnnn (can i call you that?) werent you supposed to send a picture of urself?

gay baker: oh yeah (yes)

gay baker:

gay baker: :D

california gurl: **_cute_ **

yeet dem hoes: STOP UR SO CUTE OH MY GOD BABIE

sky: big phat uwu

Sam Hwang: UR THE BABIEST OF BABIES AKHNFJHNKFJ FN a _child_

gay baker: >:(( not a child

chrispy: MY SON

gay baker: IM UR COUSIN YOU SON OF A BITCH

gay baker: wait no i really like ur mom

gay baker: @society why are most curses towards women where is the equality 

california gurl: here we have a feminist gay baker in his natural habitat

gay baker: are you disagreeing with me?

california gurl: oh my god absolutely not 

california gurl: pls we nEED feminism 

california gurl: ✨stan women✨

gay baker: stan women indeed 

sky: chungha is proof that god is a woman

yeet dem hoes: hell yes stan queen chungha

Sam Hwang: queen chunghaaaaaaa

chrispy: chungha is a sweetheart and she’s well loved as she _should_ be

chrispy: anyways i think i see the light of day time to lie down in bed before morkles murders me

Sam Hwang: ….who

chrispy: morkles sporkles, roommate extraordinaire 

chrispy: im teaching him memes :D

chrispy: he literally...lays on the bed and just passes out 

chrispy: :(( i envy him

yeet dem hoes: :((

california gurl: :((

Sam Hwang: :((

sky: :(((

gay baker: :((

chrispy: oh stop with all o fthat im fine

chrispy: slightly dizzy but fine nonetheless

chrispy: anyways!! morkles gives the bestest sleep giving cuddles so im going to go use them

chrispy: goodnight everyone, see you in about two hours

yeet dem hoes: gn chan!!!

Sam Hwang: gn!!! sleep welllll

gay baker: gnnn!!!!! dont dieeeeee

sky: ^^^^

chrispy: see you on the flip side yeet!

california gurl: now! fELIX MOTHERFUCKER YOU 

yeet dem hoes: THE FUCK DID I DO WHAT THE FUCK

california gurl: GO TO SLEEP OH MY GOODNESS

Sam Hwang: YEAH GO TO SLEEP CHRISPY WENT TO SLEEP >:((((

yeet dem hoes: grrr

yeet dem hoes: fINE but WHEN I GET BACK INLIKE FOUR HOURS YALL BETTER HAVE UR PICTURES I WANNA KNOW WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE

yeet dem hoes: only if ur comfy ofc :3

california gurl: will do!

california gurl: now go to sleep or ill walk across the ocean and make you >:D

yeet dem hoes: smh

yeet dem hoes: also this is moi

yeet dem hoes:

yeet dem hoes: :DDD

yeet dem hoes: gn everyone time to crash!!!

yeet dem hoes:

california gurl: goodnight!!!! uwu (UR SO GOOD LOOKING HOW)

yeet dem hoes: uwu (tHANK YOUUUU)

sky: since he wanted pictures

sky:

sky: tis moi

Sam Hwang: SEE I TOLD YOU THAT YOU WERE CUTE

sky: hmph

Sam Hwang: :(((

sky: wait no i didnt mean it!!! i was just kidding when i said i was mad at you ahsmkjfhnf

Sam Hwang: o

Sam Hwang :DD

sky: :D

california gurl: are you seeing this, jeongin

gay baker: i sure am

gay baker: PDA POLICE BEEP BEEP

california gurl:

california gurl: DIDJA HERE THAT?? NO PDA 

gay baker: *wheeze*

_gay baker has changed Sam Hwang’s name to gay pda_

gay pda: ….beautiful

gay pda: also i shall show you my face now uwu

sky: ur face is nice

gay pda: ur face is nicer

sky: FUCK YOU 

gay pda: ;)

gay pda:

gay pda: my hair’s longer and blonder now tho lol i just like that picture

sky: ahkjnkjfhnhfnj

gay pda: r u good

gay baker: R U READY NA NA NA NA

gay baker: STAN N FLYING FOOLS

sky: uh

sky: hah

sky: fun

sky: :D

gay pda: *squints*

sky: *smacks you*

gay pda: *smacc cause im a snacc babey

sky: yes you are

california gurl: 😲

gay baker: 🍵

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jEONGIN IS THE CUTEST BABIE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD OKAY I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM SO MUCH IMAHDNJKFNHJFHNFHFNHDKJHSJSJKNHJH babie. 
> 
> anyways stan women!!! queen chungha! my gay came out lmao but it is: okay! credits to making morkles chan's roommate to pri and also lily because without lily there wouldnt have been a chanmork 😔 + memes uwu
> 
> i think i might actually be funny this time round (shocking, i know) but only because i have a meme board on pinterest that i can use and i shall try to take fULL advantage of the fact that i have a meme board ehehehhehe
> 
> anyways drop a comment, they make my day
> 
> (also i'll probably be uploading like every day for a couple days but pls dont be obligated to read!! :DD )
> 
> stay safe everyone <33


	4. of cactus baes and coffee pots

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chungha Kim: AKHNSKJFNKHNF  
> Chungha Kim: okay i have decided that im marrying chan
> 
> chrispy: wait what
> 
> they got married >////<

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i always forget to say this (am typing this up as i write the chapter whilst Ignoring English Class) but the dates in front of the class like "Wednesday, September 1st" will be based off of PST time cause i live in california and it's just easier that way for me!! :D but ye 
> 
> also this chapter is officially dedicated to honey happy birthday hoe y/n i love you my bromosexual wife <333
> 
> have fun~

**Wednesday, September 1st 2021**

**12:32 pm PST / 2:32 pm CST / 8:32 pm BST / 4:32 am KST / 5:32am AEST**

**cheese (9)**

california gurl: oof i have to go everyoneee i have: a shit

california gurl: ****shift

yeehaw: ..a shit

gay pda: sHiT

gay baker:  _ shit _

california gurl: :((

california gurl: im lEAVING NOW fucku :(((

yeehaw: lmaooooo

yeehaw: goodbye :3

california gurl: fuck u

gay baker: watch your language motherfucker

california gurl: to have sex u

gay baker: oh god no

california gurl: :D

gay pda: whAT DID I JUST READ WTH MY OWN TWO EYES AKHSNKJDNKJFN

yeehaw: sigh

yeehaw: pls no

california gurl: gOODBYE ASSHOLES

yee haw: byeeee

gay pda: bye Jisung!!! don't die on ur shift!!

gay pda: *shit I'm sorry 

gay pda: on that note, I must go as well break times over time to stand in front of a bunch of people and smile prettily ✨

yee haw: lmaoo 

yeehaw: bye everyone!!! 

gay baker: toodles~ 

  
  


**5:32 pm PST / 7:32 pm CST / 1:32 am BST / 9:32 am KST / 10:32am AEST**

**cheese (9)**

chrispy: im back children

chrispy: from buying ze meelk

california gurl: zayn malik?

hawtest boi in the club: one direction?

Seo Changbin: what 

Seo Changbin: okay someone explain what is this why is this how is this

california gurl: chungha

Seo Changbin: oh fuck you chungha leave me be

Seo Changbin: I just wanted to be alone and without friends and work and maybe make out with my roommate but nOo

california gurl: m-make out with your roommate?

Seo Changbin: his lips are very nice and his boyfriend is cute can you blame me (it's not cheating, they've talked about this dwww)

california gurl: oh good lmao 

chrispy: i should kiss my roommate tbh hes cute

chrispy: but alas...a child

Seo Changbin: ur a 97liner right?

chrispy: yes my child

Seo Changbin: i- okay

Seo Changbin: ye im a 99liner

Seo Changbin: sadly

chrispy: aww a babie

Seo Changbin: >:( nU

chrispy: CUTE

Seo Changbin: nooooo

chrispy: my child φ(*￣0￣)

chrispy: uwu

Seo Changbin: grrr ah

yeet dem hoes: rAwR

(flashbacks to: hEy sO i hEaRd yOu lIkE bAd gUrLs i hAvE a zErO iN dEbAtE rAwR)

Seo Changbin: rAwR

chrispy: i swear she made me do this <//3

_ chrispy added chungha kim to the chat room _

Chungha Kim: thEYRE BONDING MY BABIES

chrispy: *sigh*

Chungha Kim: AKHNSKJFNKHNF

Chungha Kim: okay i have decided that im marrying chan

chrispy: wait what

Chungha Kim: holup 

_ Chungha Kim has changed her name to wifey  _

wifey: yes anyways

wifey: im marrying you chan

chrispy: wha-

chrispy: wait thats actually not a bad idea we’re such a power couple

wifey: yaSS exactly 

the hawtest boi in the club yeet: WAIT CHUNGHA AND CHAN ARE GETTING MARRIED?   
  


wifey: ye

wifey: you wanna join ;)

the hawtest boi in the club yeet: obviously 

chrispy: LETS BREAK THE INDUSTRY 

the hawtest boi in the club yeet: YES MARRY ME CHAN

chrispy: MARRY ME MINHO

wifey: MY BABIES

chrispy: wait husband i dont even know what you look like

the hawtest boi in the club: ah yes my hawt self

the hawtest boi in the club: 

the hawtest boi in the club: my coffee was yummy that day <///3

chrispy: oo damn

the hawtest boi in the club: ayyy papi

chrispy: nOOOO

the hawtest boi in the club: ;) ;)

the hawtest boi in the club: now send a picture of urself 

chrispy: ;-;

chrispy: okay im not as good looking as all of you uNfoRtUnAtElY

wifey: oh shush you 

the hawtest boi in the club: as your husband i am inclined to tell you that ur probably hawt

chrispy: >/////<

chrispy: 

chrispy: 😔tis me

the hawtest boi in the club: oh dAMN PAPI

chrispy: KHNJKDHF

the hawtest boi in the club: but all jokes aside ur cute

chrispy: AHJNDJKN thank u 🥺

the hawtest boi in the club: :3

wifey: *wipes tear* beautiful

wifey: anyways i gotta go-chungha ;)

wifey: bye losers

yeehaw: we wont miss you

wifey: ill drag you to london and force you to take more pictures of jinnie dont try me bitch

yeehaw: ….

wifey: :D

gay baker: hyunjin lives in london?

gay pda: yeah i do

gay pda: OH RIGHT YOU DO TOO RIGHT>?????

gay baker: YEAHHHH

gay pda: WE SHOULD MEET UP SOMETIMEEEE

gay baker: YEAHHHH

gay baker: UR LIKE FAMOUS OML IMMA MEET A FAMOUS PERSON

gay pda: PLS YOU KNOW CHUNGHA UR FAMOUS

gay baker: smh no she just forced me to give her her number 

gay baker: fuck you chungha

wifey: no my child

gay baker: 🔪🔪🔪

gay baker: the knife emoji is called kitchen knife

gay baker: i call it the stabby knife

gay baker: stabby one point two five ten twenty fuck you bitch one thousand 

chrispy: husband dear i am concerned

hawtest boi in the club: husbando i think we may have adopted the worng children

chrispy: would you like to: elope

hawtest boi in the club: yes. 

hawtest boi in the club: mY LOVE

chrispy: MY TOAST

hawtest boi in the club: MY COFFEEPOT

chrispy: my love, my water bottle, my smartphone bae i am in loAF WITH YOU 

hawtest boi in the club: my homie

hawtest boi in the club: you must not mist me 

chrispy: my cactus bae

_ california gurl changed Lee Minho’s name to cactus bae _

cactus bae: 🌵

chrispy: HLANKSJNFKJHN

_ cactus bae changed Christopher Bang’s name to coffee pot bae _

coffee pot bae: ⚰

coffee pot bae: wait wrong emoji

coffee pot bae: ☕

coffee pot bae: black coffee yum yum 

cactus bae: wait 

cactus bae: chANGBIN has not shown his face 

Seo Changbin: o yeah 

Seo Changbin: 

Seo Changbin: there is me

Seo Changbin: also my english name is lewis idk why i have an english name but i have one? yeah?

gay pda: lewis…

_ gay pda has changed lewis’s name to loo-is  _

loo-is: wait 

loo-is: ISNT THE LOO BRITISH FOR BATHROOM OR SOMETHING

gay pda: ye but only the schmancy ppl use it cause they think theyre so cOoL

loo-is: ;-; why have you done this to me

gay pda: who even are you 

loo-is: well Seo Changbin, i work at JJP as a music producer, bday is august 11th 1999 im super duper tall, i once wrote a very heterosexual song when i was Peak Straightness

chrispy: wait is it called wow

loo-is: yeah…

chrispy: AHHAA IVE HEARD IT 

california gurl: SO I HAVE I 

california gurl: I LOOP IT EVERY SINGLE DAY AHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAH

loo-is: WAIT WHAT THE FUCK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls i wrote this all during school someone stop me i have no self control its lunchtime rn and i have class in four minutes 


	5. throw it bacc

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> loo-is: *sigh*
> 
> loo-is: my ass too fat 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof sorry for the really weird time gap in this
> 
> BRO WHAT THE FUCK I HAD A WHOLE ASS PARAGRAPH TYPED UP ON HERE BUT AO3 SAID no❤ *sigh* anyways i wANTED to say that hAPPY BIRTHDAY KIM NAMJOON YOUR CLUMSY ASS IS THE ENTIRE REASON FOR THE STUPID TIME GAP BUT I LOVE YOU ANWYAYS IM BLESSED TO SHARE A BDAY WITH YOU 
> 
> namjoon's so OLD he's turning 26 (i turned 14~ i am getting old 14 is such an old number compared to 13) smh anyways
> 
> have fun~

**Wednesday, September 1st 2021**

**12:45 pm PST / 2:45 pm CST / 8:45 pm BST / 4:45 am KST / 5:45am AEST**

**cheese (9)**

coffeepot bae: YEAH LMAO I LOOP IT ITS AMAZING 

loo-is: NOOO It WAS FOR A DARE

california gurl: wOWWWWWW SHES HAWT

loo-is: <//3

coffeepot bae: here ill send the song 

loo-is; noHSNF

chrispy: :D

chrispy:  wow.mp3

california gurl: jEoGiYO nOoNa hOkShI nAmJaChINgU iSsEoYo?

loo-is: this is bullying ;-;

loo-is: #savechangbin2k21

sky: #stabchangbin2k21

coffeepot bae: oh sweater weather is playing 

coffeepot bae: oh nevermind it stopped playing 

coffeepot bae: all i aMMMMMM iS A MANNNN

cactus bae: i want the world 

cactus bae: in my hands

coffeepot bae: i hate the beach 

cactus bae: but i stayyyy

california gurl: in californiaaa 

gay baker: with my toes in the sand

yeehaw: use the sleeves of my sweater

gay pda: lets have an adventure 

gay pda: head in the clouds

yeehaw: but my gravitys centered

yeet dem hoes: touch my neckkk

loo-is: and ill touch yours 

cactus bae: me in my lil high waisted shorts ohhh

coffeepot bae: you know what im thinking abt

cactus bae: and what i think aboutttt

loo-is: one love one houseeeee

yeet dem hoes: one love two mouthssss

gay baker: CAUSE ITS TOO COOOOOOOOLLDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

california gurl: FOR YOU HEREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

yeehaw: AND NOWWW SO LET MEEEEE HOOOOOLLDDDDDDDDDDD

gay pda: BOTH UR HANDSS INNNN the holesss of my sweater~

gay baker: and CUT 

gay baker: good job everyone *clap clap* 

  
  
  


**Wednesday, September 12st 2021**

**5:45 pm PST / 7:45 pm CST / 1:45 am BST / 9:45 am KST / 10:45am AEST**

**cheese (9)**

coffeepot bae: okay so todays my dads birthday and im home rn

coffeepot bae: (why i was more or less gone for the past two weeks oof)

california gurl: its okay!! we’re all busy individuals and our timezones are pieces of shit!

california gurl: come to california we have uh

gay baker: hollywood?

california gurl: ig yeah? ive never been to hollywood tho lmao

california gurl: but anyways we have fires and earthquakes and its actually hell :D

yeet dem hoes: rip 

yeet dem hoes: come to aussie land we have dangerous animals that look like pokemon

coffeepot bae: speaking of dangerous animals that look like pokemon

coffeepot bae: my dads bday is today

yeehaw: (how are those two things related…)

coffeepot bae: my dad is a dangerous animal that looks like a pokemon

coffeepot bae: anyways the only reason hes dangerous is cause hes really fuckingclumsy right 

coffeepot bae: and so my mom well she made a rlly big breakfast for him

coffeepot bae: and it WOULD be alright if he hadnt touched anything and let us do it all ourselves….

yeet dem hoes: oh my god

yeehaw: dear lord

coffeepot bae: <//3 rip eomma’s cooking and rip the expensive button up dad was wearing 

california gurl: AKHNKJFN 

coffeepot bae: so now we’re going to ihop..in designer clothes

coffeepot bae: sigh 

california gurl: i should go to ihop in designer

california gurl: if i even get any designer <////3 

gay baker: <//3 its the boomers i tell you 

california gurl: jUST BECAUSE UR A SMOL BABIE

gay baker: -_- 

gay baker; I AM NOT A SMOL BABIE I AM AN ADULTTTT

california gurl:  ( •̀ ω •́ )✧

california gurl: prove it 

gay baker: >:D

gay baker: 

california gurl: …

california gurl

yeehaw: is that a meme of you oh my god

caliofornia gurl: YOU BET IT IS LOSERs

yeet dem hoes: gET IN LOSERS WE’RE GOING SHOPPING

california: but shopping for  _ what _

yeet dem hoes: ass

cactus bae: changBUN

cactus bae: @Seo Changbin ;) ;) ;) 

loo-is: what the 

loo-is: what the fuck

yeet dem hoes: SHAKE THAT ASSSSSS

cactus bae: SHAKE THAT ASS HOE SHAKE THAT ASSS

california gurl: if i back up…

gay pda: is it fat enough?   
  


yeet dem hoes: when i throw it back…

cactus bae: is it fast enough? 

cactus bae: if i speed it up….

coffeepot bae: can you handle that?

california gurl: yoU AINT READY FOR THIS WORK

gay pda: NOW WHAT ME THROW IT THROW IT 

yeet dem hoes: BACK THROW IT BACK 

yeet dem hoes: BACK BACK THROW IT BACKKK

loo-is: ….

yeet dem hoes:  _ say it  _

loo-is: *sigh*

loo-is: my ass too fat 

yeet dem hoes: HELL YES BABEY 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the sweater weather thing was just...sweater weather coming onto my playlist anhKJDNKFJHN im not sorry let me enjoy my sweater weather khs version in pEACE (ive been blasting it all day uwu)  
> ALSO GO READ jeonghoney's new fic she's the best and she deserves the world okay everyone give honey some love~ uwu
> 
> changBUNs 
> 
> uwu i hope this made you smile~ imma die on monday pls i have a cs quiz and work to do i cant be dead on monday please i beg of you @skz dont do this to me ;-; 
> 
> drop a comment it would be really really rEALLY appreciated heh (but you dont have toooo, thank you for reading everyone)


	6. nomnom uwu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yeet dem hoes: *pops popcorn*
> 
> gay pda: *sizzles da tea*
> 
> yeehaw: *burns coffee*
> 
> gay baker: *noms couch*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im not even funny why are you here
> 
> have fun~

**Wednesday, September 14 2021**

**12:00 am PST / 2:00 am CST / 8:00 am BST / 4:00 pm KST / 5:00 pm AEST**

**cheese (9)**

yeet dem hoes: JISUNGIE

yeet dem hoes: HAPPY BIRTHDAY 

yeet dem hoes: I KNOW WE’VE ONLY KNOWN EACH OTHER FOR ABOUT TWELVE DAYS AND HALF OF THOSE DAYS WERE SPENT NOT TALKING TO EACH OTHER BECAUSE WE’RE ALL ADULTS AND SHIT BUT UR MY TWINSIE AND UR SUNSHINEY AND AMAZING ILY HOE

california gurl: ;-; you DID IT AT MIDNIGHT I LOVE YOU 

gay baker: HPPY BIRTHDAY JISUNG

gay baker: darn felix got here first

yeehaw: IM AWAKE

yeehaw: I DID NOT FALL ASLEEP

yeehaw: IM AWAKE ASSHOLES

california gurl: seungmin its like 2am for you ;-;

yeehaw: YES

yeehaw: IM SLIGHTLY HIGH ON COFFEee

yeehaw: BuT 

yeehaw: HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

california gurl: thank youuuu

california gurl: ;-; you didnt have to stay awake for me :((

yeehaw: yes i did

yeehaw: and anyways i wanted too

yeehaw: i havent drank coffee in a long time

gay pda: yeah i wonder why -_-

yeehaw: im going to ignore that 

coffeepot bae: happy birthday jisung!!! how old are you now??

california gurl: 21 uwu

california gurl: AHHAHAHHA I CAN DRINK NOW 

california gurl: gonna get shit faced and then pass out 

yeet dem hoes: d a m n

yeet dem hoes: today?

california gurl: oof no all my irl friends arent here <//3 so im drinking wine by myself

cactus bae: happy birthday jisung, happy 21st

cactus bae: but have any of you noticed that a heart looks kinda like a dick?

coffeepot bae: w-what???

cactus bae: iT DOES

wifey: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY CHILD

gay baker: I THOUGHT I WAS YOUR CHILD

wifey: all of you are my children except for minchan because im married to them

coffeepot bae: <333

wifey: <3333333

cactus bae: </3

wifey: >:((

coffeepot bae: :((

cactus bae: …

cactus bae: <3…

coffeepot bae: :D

loo-is: happy 21st jisung!! we don’t know each other well yet but i hope you have a wonderful day! grow taller!

california gurl: thank you!

california gurl: also what the fuck

loo-is: :)

california gurl: 911 this is an emergency a tiny short angry grinch like creature is threatening me on my twenty first birthday, the one day i sell my soul to satan to, the most important day of my life, this day is my day and this annoying pabbit person is trheatening me, this must bE CaRED fOr, it must be DEALT with IT MUST HAVE INTERFERANCE THIS SHALL NOT CONTINUE ANY LONGER

loo-is: GRINCH LIKE CREATURE??? WHAT THE FUCK???

california gurl: *sobs* NINE ONE ONE HONEY BEAR

yeet dem hoes: *pops popcorn*

gay pda: *sizzles da tea*

yeehaw: *burns coffee*

gay baker: *noms couch*

cactus bae: what the fuck

loo-is: what the fuck

coffeepot bae: :’) my babies

california gurl: bAbY gUrL

yeet dem hoes: …

california gurl: …

yeehaw:  _ do it _

yeet dem hoes: *salutes*

_ Felix Lee has changed Peter Han’s name to baby gurl  _

baby gurl: thx u

yeet dem hoes: uwu :3

gay baker: 

gay baker: pink fluffy unicorns dancing on rainbows~

gay baker: pink fluffy uincorns dancing on rainbows!

gay baker: pink fluffy unicorns dancing on rainbows!

gay baker: PINK FLUFFY UNICORNS DANCING ON RAINBOWS >:D

baby gurl: owo?

gay baker: uwu

baby gurl: owo uwu

cactus bae: jisung you should pour your wine in some coffee

coffeepot bae: no-

baby gurl: …

coffeepot bae: JISUNG NO

baby gurl: JISUNG YES

yeehaw: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

yeehaw: i should do that when its my bday 

yeehaw: HEHHEHEHEHEHE

gay baker: goodness gracious are you okay or no?

yeehaw: :(( yes

gay pda: no

yeehaw: YES

baby gurl: oop my brother broke into my house hES EATING MY CHEESECAKE I WILL MURDER HIM DO NOT TOUCH MY FUCKING CHEESECAKE YOU BITCH

yeet dem hoes: (you bitch)

yeehaw: na na na na na na naaaa

gay pda: LOVE ME HATE ME SAY WHAT YOU WANT ABOUT ME 

gay baker: ALL THE BOYS AND ALL THE GIRLS IF YOU SEEK AMYYY

gay baker: idk if those are right but itS OKAY

yeehaw: britney spears queen uru

gay pda: go to sleep

yeehaw: yessir 

yeehaw: *salutes*

gay pda: thank goodness

yeet dem hoes: …

gay pda: w h a t

gay baker: …

cactus bae: and that is where ill take my leave

cactus bae: happy birthday to jisung once again!!

cactus bae: oh yeah changbin we should meet sometime

loo-is: wait what 

cactus bae: both of us live in korea

cactus bae: can make it a weekend trip

cactus bae: when you free next?

loo-is: uh next next week

cactus bae: purrfect

loo-is: hyung??

cactus bae: oh no need to call my hyung i dont care for that 

cactus bae: @all of you 

cactus bae: no need for honorifics

coffeepot bae: ^^

cactus bae: anyways me and binnie will send you lots and lots of pictures, my children

cactus bae: bye thots

loo-is: what 

loo-is: what the fuck

yeet dem hoes: WAIT CHRIS

yeet dem hoes; WE SHOULD TOO

coffeepot bae: OH YES WE SHOULD

coffeepot bae: SAME WEEKEND?

yeet dem hoes: SAME WEEKEND

coffeepot bae: ARVO??

yeet dem hoes; ARVO

coffeepot bae: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEt

  
  


**Wednesday, September 14 2021**

**3:00 am PST / 5:00 am CST / 11:00 am BST / 7:00 pm KST / 8:00 pm AEST**

**cheese (9)**

baby gurl: wuadt

baby gurl: waidy if 

baby gurl: i tWAjdhn angd applEssa

gay baker: lmao what

baby gurl: what if i wasn apple

gay baker: what if u were an apple?

baby gurl: yessg

gay baker: are you drunK?

baby gurl: yessir

gay baker; do you have anyone with you?

baby gurl: no at homo

baby gurl: nom nom wines

gay baker: hmm okay

baby gurl: what if i was apple/????????

gay baker: hmm

gay baker: i would wanna eat you 

baby gurl: wHKNAKJHNDKJ FHWYYYYY

gay baker: because you look yummy :3

baby gurl: rteally?

gay baker: yes

baby gurl: i THINK UR YUMMY TOOOOOOOOOO

baby gurl: woylf yoiu lobe mr if i wiere apples

gay baker: …

gay baker: yes

baby gurl: ily innie choo

gay baker: …

baby gurl: <3333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333

gay baker: <3

baby gurl:!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

cactus bae: 👀

gay pda: 👀 (innie you wanna meet?)

gay baker: (yes)

baby gurl: INNIES MINE BACK OFF HOES

gay baker: dear god

gay baker: go to sleep 

baby gulr: :(((

gay baker: >:((

baby gurl: fine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the "what if i was an apple" thing was brought on by me and my friend doing photo chains and drawing on our faces and me drawing a big apple over myself
> 
> because really....
> 
> what if i was an apple?
> 
> (drop a comment or two i'd really appreciate it~) happy birthday jisung! and i KNOW ITS OVER TECHNICALLY BUT ITS NOT THE FIFTEENTH HERE OKAY LET ME LIVE IN PEACE ILL WRITE A LIXIE CHAPTER TMRW HOES 


	7. minho's an anime waifu uwu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yeet dem hoes: #savechangbin2k21
> 
> loo-is: #savechangbin2k21
> 
> gay baker: #stabchangbin2k21  
> gay baker: >:D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im actually sorry about disappearing this time ;-; pls forgive me itll happen a lot more

**Wednesday, September 14 2021**

**7:00 pm PST / 9:00 pm CST / 1:00 pm BST / 11:00 am KST / 12:00 am AEST**

**cheese (9)**

baby gurl: HAPPY BIRTHDAY FELIXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXxx

babygurl: !!!!!! UR OLD LIKE ME NOWWWWWWWWWWW

yeet dem hoes: YOU DID IT AT MIDNIGHTTTT

baby gurl: OFC I DID IT AT MIDNIGHT LIXIE YOU DID IT FOR ME AND YOU DESERVE IT MY BEAUTIFUL HANSOME SUNSHINEY TWIN

yeet dem hoes: <33333333333333333333

baby gurl: do you wanna get drunk together

yeet dem hoes:  _ yes _

baby gurl: call me baby ;)

yeet dem hoes: ;)

coffeepot bae: HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYYYY 🎈💥

yeehaw: those emojis tho- (happy bday felix!! have fun being 21)

coffeepot bae: And What Of It?

yeehaw: 911 this is an emergency

coffeepot bae: 🙃

loo-is: happy birthday felix!!!!

yeet dem hoes: tHANK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU (also you too seungmin!!)

loo-is: 🤗

yeet dem hoes: <333 uwuuuuu

gay baker: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYYY I HOPE YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL BIRTHDAY FELIX!!! I WOULD MAKE A CAKE FOR YOU BUT UR TOO FAR AWAY EHEEHHEE

yeet dem hoes: awww thank you jeonginnieee its the thought that counts anyways ;3; 

gay baker: <3

cactus bae: happy birthday felix enjoy being 21~

yeet dem hoes: will try too!!

gay pda: I MIGHT BE LATE BUT IM HERE HAPPY 21ST FELIXXXX GO GET DRUNK AND PASS OUT!!!

yeet dem hoes; WILL DOOOOOOO

coffeepot bae: i dont even think ill be able to stop them

cactus bae: how will you stop them you live like three thousand miles away

baby gurl: i love you 3000

yeehaw: i love you 3000!!!

yeehaw: love that song uwu

baby gurl: FELIX PICK UPPPP

yeet dem hoes; WAIT IM GETTING MY WINE AHNKDNFKHNFKFNKJHnhj

coffeepot bae: have fun you two!! take care of urselves <333

baby gurl: will do~

yeet dem hoes: ^^

  
  


**Wednesday, September 14 2021**

**9:00 pm PST / 11:00 pm CST / 3:00 pm BST / 1:00 am KST / 2:00 am AEST**

**cheese (9)**

baby gurl: i am: slightly tipsy for the second time in one day i be proud

baby gurl: felix is full on drunk tho lmAO I CAN SEE HIS ROOMATE

yeet dem hoes: akjndjhf

yeet dem hoes; singeu >:((

yeet dem hoes: sstagdho calling meo ouy 

baby gurl: no ♥

yeet dem hoes: ;-;

yeet dem hoes: :((

loo-is: why is felix sad

yeet dem hoes: sungie being mean :((

loo-is: . . .

loo-is: prepare to die

baby gurl; WAIT WHAT THE FUCK NO

loo-is: i will walk my ass all the way over to california

yeet dem hoes: ur thICC ass

loo-is; ahnkJHNFKJ F

loo-is: wha-

yeet dem hoes: mmm binnie’s yum

yeet dem hoes: yommy 🙃

baby gurl: nom nom

cactus bae: c r o n c h

loo-is: what no what why 

yeet dem hoes: :(( i wanna bite u

loo-is: whjnSKJHNHKDNHFNHFKFNFHFNKJFNKhkhj

cactus bae: awww binnie babie’s a  _ panicked gay _

cactus bae: how cute

loo-is: that

loo-is: thats slightlty scary

yeet dem hoes: >:((

yeet dem hoes: binnie’s mINE

cactus bae: oh?

baby gurl: opE

loo-is: whAT 

yeet dem hoes: ;-; dyu not wanna be mine?

loo-is: well uh

yeet dem hoes: DO YOU NOT LOVE ME??????

loo-is: WHATYDHDKN WE MET LIKE LAST WEEK WHA-

yeet dem hoes; dyiu thk im cutess?

loo-is: yes very cutess 

yeet dem hoes: i think ut cuterss

loo-is: really

yeet dem hoes: i like da view

loo-is: you do?

yeet dem hoes: yeah

loo-is: ur my best view

yeet dem hoes: ehh

baby gurl: rose deserved so much better :((

cactus bae: gurl took one look at this man and ran for the hills to go find a nice lesbian girlfriend

cactus bae: good for her!

baby gurl: good for her!!

yeet dem hoes; BINNIE WILL YOU LEAVE ME FOR A NICE LESBNIA N GF????

loo-is: uh

loo-is; no

loo-is: no i dont think so

cactus bae: translation: he thinks ur cute

loo-is; AHNSKJNDKJHN

loo-is: well yES 

yeet dem hoes: uwuuwuwuwuwuwuwuwu

loo-is: stop being cute ;-;

yeet dem hoes: no u

loo-is: >///<

baby gurl: okay get a room yall

loo-is: ur just salty cause the gay baker isnt here smh

gay baker: who tf dares to slander my name

loo-is: what the fuck

gay baker:  _ i will cut a bitch _

loo-is: nO IM SORRY STOP

yeet dem hoes: #savechangbin2k21

loo-is: #savechangbin2k21

gay baker: #stabchangbin2k21

gay baker: >:D

baby gurl: akhdnkfhnfk

gay baker: .

gay baker: anyways i gotta leave fuck you changbin hbd to jisung and felix again!!!!

yeehaw: just wanted to come here to say:

yeehaw: 

gay baker: tf did i do to you 

yeehaw: :)

gay baker: i-

gay baker: i am Leaving 

cactus bae: i think i might be an anime waifu 😩

loo-is: what. 

cactus bae: 

loo-is: I DIDNT EVEN DO ANYTHINGGG

coffeepot bae: minho could be an anime waifu

coffeepot bae: 10/10 support this

cactus bae: ;)

cactus bae: ;) ;) ;)

coffeepot bae: ;)

loo-is: .. 

loo-si: boTH OF YOU

loo-is: 

coffeepot bae: BITCH

cactus bae: ur MY biTCH

coffeepot bae: and ur mY anime waifu >:((

loo-is: i”m lEAVING OH MY GOODNESS 

_ Christopher Bang renamed Lee Minho to my anime waifu _

my anime waifu: i support this ;)

coffeepot bae: :D

my anime waifu: wait then we need to mATCH

coffeepot bae: hmm

my anime waifu: hmm

_ Lee Minho renamed Christopher Bang to hisoka _

hisoka: …

my anime waifu: i have a friend who’s obsessed with hisoka okay you just fit

my anime waifu: i havent even watched hxh sigh

my anime waifu: lele if you see this fuck you 

my anime waifu: wait this is a group chat nvm

hisoka: well ig im hisoka now-

my anime waifu: hisoka’s hawt tho so it fits ;)

hisoka; akhNDKJHNFKJ STOP 

hisoka: ur my beautiful anime waifu

my anime waifu: 🥺

hisoka: 🥰

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter's gonna be seungminnie's bday! will (hopefully) be out today or tmrw who knows  
> featuring a dumb timeskip brought to you by chia's nonexistent cheesecake
> 
> i was a sad boi becaus eof my fAiLinG mATh gRaDeS watch me actually end up with a D in the class and be all *surprised pikachu face*
> 
> me, sobbing: PlEASE i beg of you please pretty please work with me here i love you so much ill do anything  
> my brain: no ♥  
> me: *cries* wHy  
> my test: you really gonna let her treat you like that?  
> me: ;-; yesh  
> my test: then s u f f e r  
> me: NO PLS TAKE PITY ON ME  
> my brain: hey since i hate you have some ✨anxiety✨  
> me: *dead*
> 
> anyways the hisoka thing is true lmao i have a friend whos freaking obsessed with him like okay take a chill pill honey I HAVENT EVEN SEEN HXH BUT I KNOW THING SBECAUSE OF THAT BITCH oF A WEEB 
> 
> lele if you see this fuck you 
> 
> anyways comment if you do maybe i wont disappear again 👀
> 
> (only if you wanna tho~ say anything leave me a heart or a "fuck you" ill accept it willingly uwu)


	8. parental guidance (minchan dont need it)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Lee Minho changed Christopher Bang’s name to daddie]
> 
> daddie: AKNSHJFK pls-
> 
> Lee Minho: thats right beg for it
> 
> daddie: STOP OMSHNDKHNDKJHN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for a slightly smexy minchan again (Nothing explicit ofc but yep) chan is a subby top no one can fight me on this. 
> 
> lets pretend i know what im donig with my life
> 
> another awkward timeskip brought to you by my Falling Grades 
> 
> also we are ALL Ignoring the fact that i forgot i changed minchans names. okay. We Do Not Speak Of It. 
> 
> have fun~

**Wednesday, September 14 2021**

**10:00 pm PST / 12:00 am CST / 6:00 am BST / 2:00 pm KST / 3:00 pm AEST**

**cheese (9)**

  
  


gay pda: SEUNGMINNIE

gay pda: HAPPY BIRTHDAY

gay pda: IM GLAD THAT WE MET LAST TIME EVEN THO ALL WE DID WAS TRY NOT TO KISS EACH OTHER

yeehaw: HYUNJINHDKNFHJNFKF

gay pda: uwu

yeehaw:  _ ahkNSKJHDKHJFKHFKHF JINNIE ITS SIX AM _

yeehaw: >///< literally h e c k you omfg

yeehaw: but thank you :DDDDD

gay pda: ur cute <333 ((i woke up early for you <//3)

yeehaw: AHJNSJKND

baby gurl: HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYYYYYYYY

bbay gurl: MWAH MWAH 

baby gurl: IM hAPPY I SPENT THE LAST WEEK GIVING YOU SHITTY CHEESECAKE ADVICE

yeehaw: it was annoyingly appreciated

yeehaw: thank you tho heh

cactus bae: happy bday my favorite child!!!!

yeehaw: -_- thank you fAtHeR

gay baker: IM UP

gay baker: IM UP AND IM WIDE AWAKE

baby gurl: wide awake- katy perry

gay baker: yas queen

gay baker: HAPPY BIRTHDAY SEUNGMIN!!!!!! UR LIKE AN ANNOYING PUPPY BUT ILY ANYWAYS

yeehaw: b r a t

gay baker: <33

yeehaw: <333 tHNAK yOU

loo-is: happy birthday!!!

loo-is: *insert captivating gif of a cake or smth*

yeehaw: lmaoo

yeehaw: but thank youuuuu

yeet dem hoes: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY LAST TRIPLET UR AMAZING UR THE BESTEST AND I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUU 

yeehaw: >//<

yeet dem hoes: <3333 be Old like us

gay baker: hAh boomers

yeehaw: …

gay baker: :D

yeehaw: i am t w e n t y

gay baker: ew old person alert beep beep

coffeepot bae: SORRY IM LATE BUT IM HEREEEEEEEE

coffeepot bae: HAPPY BIRTHDAY SEUNGMINNIE I HOPE YOU HAVE AN AMAZING DAY MWAH UR THE BEST

yeehaw: ill accept your affection this time only hmph

gay baker: here we have a kim seungmin acting like he doesnt love us

gay baker: fucking tsundere ass

yeehaw: ..

baby gurl: ur a tsundere innie

gay baker: fuck off

gay baker: oh no 

baby gurl: AHHAHAHAH

yeehaw: you deserved it smh

loo-is: i seriously cant find a good happy birthday gif and its giving me anxiety everyone

yeehaw:you dont need to ahsnjhn

yeehaw: i appreciate you nonetheless !!!! :3

gay pda: excuse me 911 i am here to report a theft

yeehaw: what 

yeehaw: you got robbed?

gay pda: yes a man by the name of kim seungmin has stolen my heart

gay pda: and he wont give it back :((

yeehaw: SHUT UP OMG DKHFNKJFHFHKF

gay pda: no ♡

yeehaw: fuck you ♡

gay pda: gladly ♡

yeehaw: STOP THIS ♡

gay pda: no ♡

yeehaw: hate u ♡

gay pda: you love me ♡

yeehaw: no ♡

gay pda: b i t c h ♡

yeehaw: uwu ♡

yeet dem hoes: ANYWAYS I GTG ERIC NEEDS ME FOR SOME REASON

yeet dem hoes: i might bonk him with my pan :3

yeet dem hoes: my super sExY pan ;) ;) ;)

coffeepot bae: opE

cactus bae: mmmm pans

loo-is: what goes on father

cactus bae: daddy :3

coffeepot bae: HNDKFKHJNFHKFNKJN mIN NO

cactus bae: :(( im sorry daddy i’ve been naughty 

coffeepot bae: AKJSHNHHFKHNFKFNF LEE MINHO

cactus bae: call my name again for me baby~

coffeepot bae: AHNKHKFNJFJKFHFJHNFFHNFHNFHF bye i suddently need to go and uh

coffeepot bae: d i e

coffeepot bae: lee minho fuck you

cactus bae: i have a better idea

coffeepot bae: what

cactus bae:  _ you _ could fuck me

coffeepot bae: i

coffeepot bae: i wil l take my laeva nwo

cactus bae: :0

yeehaw: ope

gay pda: opE

cactus bae: hmm

  
  


_ Lee Minho has made a chat with Christopher Bang _

Lee Minho: channie :((

Lee Minho: did i make you uncomfortable :((

Christopher Bang: no no NONUDHJNFKLj

Christopher Bang: i was just: flustered ahksnhkn

Lee Minho: oh okay good ahnkjhn

Lee Minho: tell me if i’m being...too much okay?

Christopher Bang: ofc!! same to you ! if im doing something you dont like then pls do tell heh

Lee Minho: you could never

Lee Minho: but will do….

Christopher Bang: ?

_ Lee Minho changed Christopher Bang’s name to daddie  _

daddie: AKNSHJFK pls-

Lee Minho: thats right beg for it

daddie: im laughing OS HARD RN STOP AHAHAHHAHHAHAH

Lee Minho: im screeching phdcjn

Lee Minho: *wipes tear*

_ Christopher Bang named Lee Minho to kitty _

kitty: well

kitty: fair

kitty: i do have cats 

daddie: cats!

kitty: my children 🥰🥰🥰

daddie: ur so cute no pls-

kitty: :D thank you 

daddie: <3

_ Lee Minho renamed the chat room to parental guidance _

daddie: parental guidance smh

kitty: dont need that here no we dont 

daddie: damn straight

kitty: *gay

  
  


**Wednesday, September 14 2021**

**10:10 pm PST / 12:10 am CST / 6:10 am BST / 2:10 pm KST / 3:10 pm AEST**

**cheese (9)**

yeehaw: hehehehhe

gay pda: oh?

yeehaw: you have cute jeans

yeehaw: ur cute jeans

yeehaw: these are mY jeans?

yeehaw: ur cute jeans

yeehaw: what

yeehaw: you ARE jeans

yeehaw: *stomps away*

gay pda: i think ur cute in general

yeehaw: fuck you 

yeehaw: wait no

gay pda: fucking tsundere

yeehaw: fucking floop

gay pda: puppy

yeehaw: llama babie

gay pda: adorable lil pup

yeehaw: floopy piece of shit 

gay pda: :0

yeehaw: *floopy CUTE piece of shit

gay pda: :D

yeehaw: stop this im going to idk

gay pda: stop what?

yeehaw: idk

yeehaw: being you ig

gay pda: ..

gay pda: hold up

  
  


yeehaw?   
  


_ Sam Hwang has made a chat room with Sky Kim _

Sam Hwang: talk here maybe?

Sky Kim: oh yeah good idea

Sky Kim: idk

Sky Kim: i kinda like you 

Sam Hwang: AHNSJKHHKHFHFHJFJFNKFHNFKHNF

Sky Kim: oh

Sky Kim: wait don’t you like me back tho-

Sky Kim: wait nO ThAT SOUNDS RUDE SORRY I JUST THOUGHT

Sam Hwang: NO I DO 

Sam Hwang: I JUST GOT CAUGHT OFF GUARD 

Sky Kim: ohh okay 

Sky Kim: yey

Sam Hwang:RU SO CTE FO WHSY S

Sky Kim: uwu?

Sam Hwang: UWWUWUWUWUHDJKFHFNFNHHFKFNFHFK im gonna die because of you >:((

Sky Kim: :DD

_ Sam Hwang changed Sky Kim’s name to kylie jenner _

kylie jenner: what. 

Sam Hwang: JUST SKY KY KYLIE JENNER

kylie jenner: what even-

kylie jenner: hmph fINE

_ Sky Kim renamed the chat room to seungjin in the pc! _

Sam Hwang: oh?

kylie jenner: its just a thing i would say yanno

kylie jenner: seungmin in the buildinggggg 

kylie jenner: like that!!

Sam Hwang: thats so cute no-

kylie jenner: ehhehe

Sam Hwang: take all my uwus pls

kylie jenner: :3

_ Sky Kim renamed Sam Hwang to scottiemchottie _

scottiemchottie: what 

scottiemchottie: what the fuck

kylie jenner: okAY ITS JUST KYLIE JENNERS IS/WAS DATING TRAVIS SCOTT

kylie jenner: travis scott = scottiemchottie

kylie jenner: also ur hotter than him so i meannn

scottiemchottie: pLS

scottiemchottie: oh wait we should get things aout of the way

kylie jenner: oh yeah i dont wanna date you i dont even know you but you flirted with me and i LikEd it 

scottiemchottie: i flirted with you anD UR BLUSH SI SO CUTE

scottiemchottie: but okay yeah lets get to know each other first?

kylie jenner: yep!!

kylie jenner: anywyAs i think ur really cute and ur nice and i kinda like ur modelling adbilitues and ur dun to take picstures of and i really do like you and ur sweet and floopy and yeah ahah

scottiemchottie: UWUWUUWWUUW

scottiemchottie: seungminnieeeee babyyyyyyy mY babyeeeee

kylie jenner: SHNDKJFHKNFKJFNHK

scottiemchottie: thats okay?

kylie jenner: thats perfect 

scottiemchottie: ehehhehee

scottiemchottie: anyWAYS YEAH UR LIKE SUPER FUCKING CUTE BUT ALSO DARN HOT WHEN TAKING PICTURES DAMN BOI AND I LOVE UR VOICE AND UR CHEEKS ANDALSO and AUHSJFNKHJFNHFkj ur voice? so smooth ur talent? impeccable everything about you? i love. hotel? del luna

kylie jenner: h o t e l d e l l u n a

hyunjinnnie: i love hotel del luna 

  
seungminnie  _ marry me _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uwu
> 
> rant:  
> noT AT THE FACT THAT MY WEEK HAS BEEN TERRIBLE AND ITS ONLY MONDAY @life WHAT IS UP WITH THAT YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT pls first i fail my math test now i dont place in so which is like the oNE thing im good at?? also for why are all the new people that got in mALES???? WHERE ARE THE FEMALE FRESHMEN IDEC IF ITS ME OR NOT BUT AHEM??? not even onE???? female freshman not even one?? excuse me? school? the system is fucked up and my mother ~hates me~ also idk what im gonna do now dyu think i could live off of writing fanfic (im jk) but yeah so i decided that, instead o fhaving a mental breakdpwn in bio (a few tears did slip out tho lol did anyone see? no they didnt >:D) 
> 
> also i slept ten freaking hours last night and im so tired im never sleeping ever again smh 
> 
> but yeah it seems that making minchan horny and seungjin dumb is my ~coping mechanism~ along with kokobop so here ya go ig i also remembered my oneshot from last month thats basically 1k of seungjilix making out at a twice concert but uh yeah lol 
> 
> anyways yes pls drop a comment thank you thank you 
> 
> OH ALSO THANKYOU FOR 1K HITS ITS BEEN LIKE TWO WEEKS TF I LOVE YALL <3333 i have a sudden craving for chicken hm 
> 
> stay safe <333
> 
> (seungjin pc name creds go to lily she's Big Brain Boomer) <33
> 
> update: it is Not monday it's actually wednesday now cause it's midnight lmao what was i doing 
> 
> also @amy they did Not take a step back hAh (i love you anyways <33)


	9. tea

hi everyoneeee

as you can see i have Not updated in about a month (sorry) but this is going on hiatus until i complete a couple more things so idrk when i'll be back but yeah

i won't stop writing fic completely so ill have a couple oneshots out sometime soon uh yeah thats basically it 

reasons:

1\. school 

2\. kinda addicted to stan twt now oops (@mini_innie)

3\. i forgot this existed for a hot sec

4\. i just cant write chatfics for some reason and i am Struggling with them so i just wont write chatfics :DD

5\. yeah thats it pls read my other fics i promise they're not that bad :DD

love you all!! stay safe mwah <33

**Author's Note:**

> hi hiiiii  
> please drop a comment!! i was going to rant here but i decided that i wanted to be positive here~ Next Monday is going to kill me oof i'm not ready aT ALL PLS HSKNJFN 
> 
> anyways minchan gay. periodt. 
> 
> tell me what you think! comment!!


End file.
